Everyone likes to say that dogs are man's best friend, but you give them a dirk or a tiny mace and suddenly they're man's most execrable stickup artist. Annoyingly, whatever magicks have conspired to give these little mutants opposable thumbs and upright gaits neglected to remove their lolling tongues and disgusting hound breath. And even if you disarm them, you're only increasing the likelihood that they clamp their jagged teeth into your behind and hang there, growling, like some sort of lewd children's etching. This is why I am firmly a cat person.
